Thursday, August 4, 2016

Academic Essay: Historical Linguistics—Magic

Magic: From Arcane Arts to Fantasy
Introduction
The word magic has come to mean many different things to many different people, from 15th-century alchemists to the wise men who figure into the Nativity story of the Christian New Testament, from the works of serious occultists like Aleister Crowley, who was called the wickedest man of his time, to a benign description of the works of Walt Disney. Magic has been as abstract and fictional enough to be used as a mechanic in fantasy role-playing games and as concrete and deadly serious enough to be used as the rationale for executing hundreds of people on the mere suspicion of being practitioners.
These practitioners have been called many different things over the course of English’s history, including magi, wizard, and necromancer and have been alternately considered great thinkers or wicked manipulators of evil spirits. I will examine the history of the word magic, discuss how these various words came to be associated with its users, explore the fascinating history behind the cycling semantic shift of magic and semantically linked words between connotations of evil and of good over the centuries, and finally discuss an emerging new morphological unit –mancy as a reinterpreted productive morpheme.
Old Persian Maguš
Magic, magician, mage, and magi all stem from the same ancient source, traceable to the Proto-Indo-European root magh-, which the American Heritage Dictionary defines as “to be able, have power” (Indo-European Roots Appendix “magh-”), and which is likewise the root of mighty and machine and even, it has been argued, the modern Chinese wu, “shaman,” via contact between Old Persian and Old Sinitic cultures in the early first millennium BCE—Victor Mair, a major  proponent of this idea, produced as his chief evidence that the earliest instances of the character for the Old Sinitic word of shaman, myag, was written as a cross with equidistant arms, that this character was the basis of the modern character for wu, and that that same symbol is found in ancient and medieval European magic circles and spells as a sign of magical invocation (Mair 1990).
There is only one word that emerges from magh- which has connotations with supernatural powers and abilities—might and machine, for example, are quite natural means of power and ability—and it is from this root that all modern senses of magic emerge, namely the Old Persian maguš (Mair 1990). Maguš became a term in ancient Persia designating a class whose position was lofty and quite powerful, holding court with kings, usually serving as priests of the Zoroastrian religion, analogous to the Levites of Israel. One of the first Greek uses of the term was in connection with Xerxes, who would not act without first consulting with his maguš (Encyclopædia Iranica, “Magi”). This priestly class’ reported powers or duties included stargazing, performing religious rituals and sacrifices, and interpreting dreams.
Greek Magos; Latin Magus
The word maguš would be adopted into Greek as magos and shortly thereafter into Latin as magus, and although the reference was identical to the Persian—that is, referring to the priestly class of Persian royal courts—the reference became pejorative. The religion of Zoroastrianism and its magi came to be viewed by the Greeks and Romans with ridicule and became associated with a sinister sort of magical rites, including conjuring the spirits of the dead (Encyclopædia Iranica, “Magi”).
Alternatively, Dio Chrysostom zealously speaks out in favor of the magi in the first century CE, noting that “the Greeks … ignorantly apply the term to magicians” (qtd. in Grant 1953)—ignorantly, he claims, because the Persian Magi were in fact worshippers of his own pantheon of gods, namely Zeus and Helios! He held this belief, false as it was, firmly enough, claiming boldly that “the Magi … rear for Zeus a team of Nisean horses … the most beautiful and the largest to be found in Asia” (qtd. in Grant 1953). Other Greek sources attempted to likewise establish Zoroaster as the founder of Mithraism, largely on the basis of the “self-definition” of Mithraism as an expression of “the mysteries of the Persians” which was linked to Helios worship (Encyclopædia Iranica, “Zoroaster v., as Viewed by the Greeks”).
Pliny the Elder, a contemporary of Dio Chrysostom, however, identified Zoroaster firmly and falsely as the founder of magic, though more particularly astrological magic (Encyclopædia Iranica, “Zoroaster v., as Viewed by the Greeks”). It is worth pointing out that there existed, to generalize, two sorts of magic to the pre-Christian Greeks, namely legitimate sacerdotal magic, or theurgy, and a necromantic rogue magic, or goety, and the sense of the term magi—from which was derived the noun form magikos to refer to the practice of magic, from magos and –ikos, denoting more or less “after the manner of a magos” (OED, “magic”)—encompassed both theurgy and goety in the pre-Christian era. There therefore existed multiple senses for the word magos and magus as the range of the term expanded to include the meanings of priests of “oriental mysteries” and astrology or as sinister magicians.
English: Magi
The pejoration of magos and magus took an interesting turn with the literature of the Christian era. Although no existing Christian texts can be definitively dated earlier than the 2nd century CE, it is in them that the word was preserved into modern English: the plural magi. Generally, magi is most frequently used in English to refer to the “wise men” of the Gospel of Matthew. The story goes that these men, traditionally numbered three, were men of high station in a land somewhere east of Judea, who saw a star in the sky and took it as a sign that a messianic figure had been born. They made the trek to visit Joseph, Mary, and young Jesus in Bethlehem, bearing gifts for and revering Jesus. The Greek word for these men was μάγοι (Matt. 2:1, Codex Vaticanus), and the story includes details that suggest that the intended reference was indeed to Persian magi: (a) the men were stargazers, such that they were able to observe a new star in the sky and interpret its meaning; (b) the men were apparently of high status, for the story indicates they were granted an audience with, and were well treated by, Herod the Great, and their gifts were expensive; (c) they came from the east, which had at this point already become associated with orientalism and mystery; and (d) the men were in communion with God in some manner, such that they could be warned by divine communication not to alert Herod to Jesus’ location. The Zoroastrian connection to the Christian nativity has cause no small stir, but that is beyond the scope of this paper.
While the connection of the magi to the birth of Christ may have eventually lead to the amelioration of the meaning when used in that sense, the singular magus became more pejorative, perhaps because of the figure of Simon the sorcerer. He is described in the book of Acts as a convert to Christianity who attempts to purchase a privilege in the church (hence the sin of “simony”). He is not described as a magus but rather as μαγεύων, “practicing magic.” This Simon is a Samaritan, linking him to a different (but related) religious tradition from Judaism, which Christianity was a sect of at that point, but his magic is not addressed in the New Testament beyond a passing mention. The pseudepigraphical story in the Acts of Peter, however, go into far more detail, describing a rivalry between Simon Peter and Simon Magus, wherein a strong dichotomy emerges between the acts of God and the workings of magic, which are called the works of deceit and of the devil (Dalgaard, n.d.). This can be seen as a continuation of the theme of theurgy versus goety, as theurgy became more associated with sacramental mysteries in Catholicism and goety retained association with necromancy and conjuration (OED, “Theurgy”). The theme of this dichotomy played out over the centuries while Christianity spread throughout Europe and into Asia and Africa. Likely from these stories, the word magus gradually became associated with pagan practitioners of ritual magic who resisted the Christianization of Europe (OED, “Magus”). Magus began to be used primarily as a pejorative term disassociating the legitimate forms of occult or supernatural ritual invoking the spirit of the legitimate deity from rival forms of occult ritual invoking the spirits of rival deities.
On a very interesting side note, this occasionally resulted in deities invented precisely for the purpose of condemning political opponents on the suspicion of having worshipped them during Europe’s Inquisitions. The famous image of the devil on the modern Tarot card has its origin in such an invented deity, Baphomet, which was taken quite seriously by occultist Eliphas Levi, the alias of Alphonse Louis Constant (“Eliphas Levi” was his attempt to find a Hebrew equivalent for “Alphonse Louis”), from whose work came the Tarot tradition. In fact, Baphomet was the name of the idol the Knights Templar were ostensibly burnt at the stake for worshipping, which ultimately proved to be nothing but a less-faithfully transmitted form of the name “Muhammad”—they were really being accused in some way of having become disciples of Islam in the course of the Crusades, on the false notion that Muslims worshipped Muhammad as their god (compare the archaic English word mammet, false idol, which is also a reduction of the name “Maumet” or Muhammad) (OED, “Baphomet” and “mammet”). Notwithstanding the absence of any historical cult of worship of “Baphomet” beyond medieval misinterpretations of Muhammad’s role in Islam, the figure remains a powerful image in occultism and the primary inspiration of much modern satanic imagery, thanks to Eliphas Levi’s, and later Aliester Crowley’s, influence. As an aside, one might well conclude that, consequently, a remarkable amount of popular Western notions of Satanism and goety—a devil with goat-like features or a goat’s head, the goat’s head superimposed over a pentagram (another of Eliphas Levi’s works), and the pop-culture connection between the Illuminati and the Knights Templar—is ultimately derived from simple distrust of Islam.
English: Magic
The etymology of magic (from Middle English magik; various spellings) in English derives ultimately from the Greek magikos via Latin ars magica, abbreviated as magica, through French magique. Early attestations of this new English word appear in the late 14th century CE. There appear to have been at least two senses of the term attested to in Middle English roughly matching the aforementioned dichotomy of theurgy and goety. Before this point, the English translation of magos was wicca according to the Three Kings Cologne (qtd. in OED, “Witch”), or witch in Modern English, used also to refer to Egyptian magicians and in reference to Simon Magus (OED, “Witch”). The sense was generally negative, frequently used in accusation, and included in a list of banishable crimes under the Laws of Aelfred in the 9th century CE (OED, “witch”). With the introduction of the magic vocabulary, there came another, more positive sense, associated with medieval hermetic traditions with Platonic roots. This may be seen as theurgy, and was called natural magic or white magic, which related more specifically to “the manipulation of the supposed occult properties of the natural world” (OED, “Magic” 1b), seen as a legitimate, necessary, and even sacred field of study, pursued by Christian monks and mystics, likewise taking form among the Jewish Kabbalists. It is from this field that we inherited alchemy and eventually chemistry, integral to the development of modern science. Without any helpful adjectives, however, magic generally held the more negative connotation with goety, and developed semantic overlap with the corresponding English word it nearly displaced, wiccecræft or modern witchcraft, “regarded as falling outside the province of religion proper” (OED, “Magic” 1a).
The modern “Disney” sense of magic began cropping up around the 17th century in largely literary contexts, attested to as early as 1616 in Shakespeare’s Winter’s Tale with the line “Oh, Royall Peece: There’s Magick in thy Maiestie” (qtd. in OED, “Magic” 2). This figurative sense of magic embodied the sense of something glamorous, grandiose, mystical, or impressive, and survives today perhaps most saliently in its use by the Walt Disney Company as a branding tool, tapping into the company’s roots in the business of creating animated films based on fairy tales. Some examples of the Walt Disney Company utilizing this word as branding can be seen in the Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida, where one can be transported by “Disney’s Magical Express” to the “Magic Kingdom,” where theme park cast members will wish guests “a magical day.”
“White magic” or “folk magic” was practiced and taken quite seriously in parts of the English-speaking world into the 19th century, when farmers would perform traditional folk magic in hopes of improving the chances of a good harvest—they did not see this as incongruent with their Christian beliefs, and even clergymen were known to participate (Bushman 2006). Even in the final years of the 19th century, belief in magic was taken seriously enough that an Irishman burned his wife alive on the suspicion that she was a faery changeling (McGrath 1982). However, these instances were limited to quite rural areas, and although there was something of a pushback from occultists and self-styled magicians and wizards such as the famous British writer Aleister Crowley who, inspired by Eliphas Levi, attempted a sort of restoration of pagan ritual magic and to reclaim the prestige and relevance of magic in the 20th century, magic began to be spoken of primarily as a fictional or superstitious phenomenon.
In this world where magic is perceived as fictional, there is little practical need to distinguish between its forms, its merits, good and bad sorts. Although the senses are retained to some degree—most English speakers today understand that white magic denotes something benign and black magic denotes something sinister—the lack of practical application of magic has led to a narrowing of the senses.
There is, however, at least one area where people remain concerned with the senses of magic, and this is largely within the specialized context of its fictional sense as used in fantasy literature and film. A prime example is J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter novels. The sense of magic, wizardry, and witchcraft is hardly innovative in her books, and indeed she relies on popular stereotypes to populate her magical world and to write its history—sage old wizards wear pointed hats, magic users wear flowing robes, flying broomsticks are a popular method of transportation, and spells and incantations are uttered in a pseudo-Latin. All of this is largely relegated to the setting; the actual plot and themes of the story focus much less on magic and more on elitism, nativism, and ethnic cleansing. But in tapping into stereotypes, made innocent through the whitewash of time and the fading of negative connotations, Rowling revealed the really quite active and current negative senses still current among some subcultures of English speakers. Not long after the publication of the first Harry Potter volume, accusations began to fly from certain religious groups insisting that the novel taught and promoted witchcraft, especially in the sense of goety and Satanism. A good example of this is the book Harry Potter and the Bible: The Menace behind the Magick by self-styled “cult expert” Richard Abanes, which attempts to interpret even the narrative use of stereotypes of magic and magic users, which are indeed inherited in some way from the colorful history of occultism and magic, as incompatible with Biblical teaching. Other more wild accusations insinuated that the actual magical incantations were authentic and of sinister origin (though this writer wonders how incantations such as “eat slugs” and “point me” fit this paradigm) (Paavola, “Handbook of Occultism”) and that Harry Potter encourages children to play with Ouija boards, tarot cards, and untold amounts of “occultic junk” (Chick “The Nervous Witch”). Absent from these accusations is any acknowledgment of the historical legitimacy within a religious paradigm of theurgical magic. As fascinating and newsworthy as these accusations are, they represent only a fringe culture and are not representative of religious adherents as a whole. Still, they do reveal that there yet exists the goetic associations with magic in at least some currently contemporary subcultures.
The Fantasy Role-Playing Game and the Semantic Shift of the Suffix –mancy
Over the years, many etymologically unrelated and semantically unrelated words have come to become inextricably linked with magic, notably wizard, derived from the stem wize or weis and the suffix –ard indicating a mocking sense, as in drunkard and bastard, originally referring to a foolish old man who is overly bookish (OED, “Wizard,” “-ard, suffix”) but presently can have no sense other than a practitioner of magical arts. A fascinating and recent example this phenomenon is the suffix –mancy.
During the 15th century, the word necromancy entered the English lexicon, strongly semantically linked with the sense of magic marked illicit or forbidden (goety). From the Latin necromantia, via the Hellenistic Greek νεκρομαντεία. While the word in Latin and Greek dealt primarily with communication with the dead, its meaning broadened in English to compete with both magic and witchcraft as the word for illicit magical practices (OED, “Necromancy”). Words with the suffix –mancy denoted a means of divination, such as pyromancy and geomancy—that is, divination by means of looking into fire and by means of interpreting tossed stones, respectively.
While at first glance the suffix ­–mancy may appear to be related to magos, it actually derives from the Greek μανία, madness (OED, “Mantic”). In the 17th century, necromancy retained is sense of divination via conjuring the spirits of the dead and fell under the category of goety, a key example recorded in the Early Modern English in the King James translation of the Bible, which relays the story of the Witch of En-dor whom Saul, the King of Israel, consulted when legitimate means of divination failed him; the Witch of En-dor summoned the spirit of Samuel, an Old Testament prophet, who warned Saul of his impending doom (I Samuel 28:3–25, KJV). The sense changed little into the 19th century, evidenced by its use in Bram Stoker’s Dracula and the accusation levelled at Joseph Smith, Jr., of being a “practicing necromancer” for claiming to have communicated with angels—defined in this case, for the purpose of clarity, as the spirits and/or resurrected persons of dead saints (Bushman 2006).
By the 20th century, writers of fantastical fiction began to reinterpret the suffix –mancy, rendering it more or less productive. Little research has been done on this subject, so far as I have been able to discover, perhaps owing to the low prestige and visibility of the social group most likely to utilize this particular innovation. One of the first recorded examples of this is in J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit where Sauron, a character embodying evil and a former lieutenant of a being intended as an analogy to Satan, is referred to as “the Necromancer” who had once dwelt in the “hill of Sorcery” (Tolkien 1937). It is not explicitly stated why he is called this, although in the later Lord of the Rings trilogy, it is revealed that he has in his service undead men—that is, human beings who had been dead but through Sauron’s magic now served him beyond death. The sense of divination appears to be missing in this sense of the term, which appears to be concerned entirely with the magical ability to manipulate the dead. In subsequent fantasy literature, and especially in fantasy role-playing games, the term necromancy is used almost exclusively in this sense, as in Diablo II, Dark Souls, and Dungeons & Dragons. Conspicuously, a similar sense of pyromancy exists, meaning something like “pyrokinesis” or “the ability to manipulate fire by magical means.” Most dictionaries, if they include this sense at all (OED, American Heritage Dictionary, and Merriam–Webster do not), claim that it is a malapropism of pyrokinesis. While strictly true, I suspect that further study could bear out the hypothesis that this sense of pyrokinesis came about through four-part semantic analogy to necromancy in the traditional sense of divination and necromancy in the sense utilized by Tolkien, who inspired much of modern fantasy literature:
            necromancy (divination via the dead) : necromancy (magical power over the dead)
            pyromancy (divination via fire)           : X
necromancy (divination via the dead) : necromancy (magical power over the dead)
            pyromancy (divination via fire)           : pyromancy (magical power over fire)
In any event, this sense of the pyromancy is current in fantasy literature and role-playing games (n.a. “Pyromancer”). What encourages my hypothesis of this pattern of analogy is that in these contexts, the suffixes –mancy and –mancer are largely productive, assigning the meaning [+ magical power or influence over stem word]. Thus new combinations such as cybermancy, eromancy, aeromancy (with the new sense), and cyromancy are possible and in active use, as in the video game E.Y.E. Divine Cybermancy and the William Gibson cyberpunk novel Neuromancer. This innovation has even provoked a movement within the RPG community to stifle these new forms (n.a. “Whatevermancy”). Regardless, it is likely that even those who strive against this development would understand approximately the meaning of stiflemancer, grammarmancer, and even be able to derive some sense of portmanteaus utilizing the suffix, such as reprimancer or legitimancer.
            Regardless of the historical roots of the suffix, the suffixes –mancy and -mancer have been reinterpreted, at least in this context, into something synonymous with magical ability.
Conclusion
Magic is a massive subject with incredibly polysemy, far too large for this paper to handle in its entirety. Senses of magic have shifted between legitimacy and illegitimacy as it comes to encompass various magical practices and systems, or even the absence thereof, but consistent in all of these senses is that of something sublime, supernatural, and powerful. Its practitioners are portrayed as anything from foolish wizards and devil-worshipping witches to sage magi and wise priest-kings. But today, as the semantic economy of English finds little use for such diversity of meaning for a word that, for most speakers, is firmly rooted in superstition and fiction, most of these meanings become homogenized. It seems the future of the senses of magic, if there is one, rests in the hands of those few who take it seriously enough to think about it very much, whether they are modern-day practitioners after the fashion of Crowley and Levi, fearers of magic for the sake of their religion, or simply writers and lovers of fantasy.


References
“-ard suffix.” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/10483
“Baphomet.” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/15329
“Mage.” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/112157
magh-” The American Heritage Dictionary Indo-European Roots Appendix. Retrieved from https://www.ahdictionary.com/word/indoeurop.html#IR065600
“Magi.” Encyclopædia Iranica. Retrieved from http://www.iranicaonline.org/articles/magi
“Magic (adj).” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/112187
“Magic.” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/112186
“Magie.” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/112197#eid38552708
“Magus.” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/112378
“Mammet.” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/115162
“Mantic.” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/113696
“Necromancy.” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/125700
“Wise Man.” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/229506
“Wizard.” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/229772
“-y suffix.” Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved from http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/231080#eid14065406
“Zoroaster v. as perceived by the Greeks.” Encyclopædia Iranica. Retrieved from http://www.iranicaonline.org/articles/zoroaster-iv-as-perceived-by-the-greeks
Bushman, R. L. 2006. Joseph Smith: Rough stone rolling. New York: Vintage.
Chick, J. T. 2002. “The Nervous Witch.” Chick Publications. Retrieved from https://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5012/5012_01.asp
Codex Vaticanus: Matt. 2:1–2.
Dalgaard, K. n.d. “Peter and Simon in the Acts of Peter: A supernatural fight between magic and miracles.” Academia.edu. Retrieved from http://www.academia.edu/842952/Peter_and_Simon_in_the_Acts_of_Peter_A_Supernatural_Fight_between_Magic_and_Miracles
Grant, F. C. 1953. Hellenistic Religions: The age of syncretism. New York: The Liberal Arts Press. p. 114.
Mair, V. H. 1990. “Old Sinitic ‘Myag,” Old Persian “Maguš,” and English “Magician.” Society for the Study of Early China, 15, pp. 27–47. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/23351579
McGrath, T. 1998. “Fairy faith and changelings: The burning of Bridget Cleary in 1895.” Studies: An Irish Quarterly Review, 71, no 282, pp. 178–184. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/30090427
n.a. “Pyromancer.” Dark Souls Wiki. Retrieved from http://darksouls.wikidot.com/pyromancer
n.a. “Whatevermancy.” TV Tropes. Retrieved from http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Whatevermancy
Paavola, P. “Handbook of occultism.” Personal website. http://www.kotipetripaavola.com/HarryPotterbooks.html

Tolkien, J.R.R. 1937. The Hobbit.

Video: Eragon (Film) Review

I have long had it in for Eragon.

I combine my nascent video editing abilities with a literal “whenever-on-earth-I-have-a-few-seconds-to-record” filming schedule necessitated by university finals. The result: I finally get to rant about this ... film.

https://vimeo.com/97005202

Creative Prompt: Inverted Apocalyptic Fiction (Introduction)

The Nevada desert spread out around them unendingly, a brown so washed out by the sun that it approached grey. To make matters worse, it was August. Andrew couldn’t have been more out of his environment. The dry air blasted through the car loudly enough to make conversation all but impossible, which was a shame, because Anne might have been able to cheer him up. But to close the windows would convert their black Land Rover into a portable hell; the air conditioning had been broken for years. There had been no need to fix it in Sacramento. They lived adjacent to the university where Andrew worked and they only went to the store at night. Humid, warm California nights. At the beautiful Victorian home they might never see again. He scowled with renewed revulsion at the desert. They couldn’t drive through fast enough.

Pitch for Cracked Article: Six Lies (You Probably Believe) about English

Several falsehoods many people, especially English majors, believe about English. Some are taught by English teachers, some are inherited through cultural transmission, others yet are common assumptions that aren’t often challenged despite being easily challenge-able. The main point is that English isn’t degenerating and there’s no sense in being opposed to (systematic) nonstandard usage or change. 

British English is better or closer to historical English than American English (or any other variety)

What you think: British English is the original English, or closer to ancient English, or more correct, or more sophisticated, etc. than American English.

What’s true: Modern British English has descended from the same 17th century British dialect as Modern American English. That dialect, in turn, was drastically different from the English spoken in the 14th century, and so forth. In some ways, Modern American English is actually closer to Old and Middle English than Modern British English.

http://www.auburn.edu/chaucer/sound.htm

(Scholars recreating 15th century English, complete with rhotic “r” sounds often eschewed by many modern British English dialects)

http://www.nsf.gov/news/special_reports/linguistics/paths.jsp?#audioarea

(Demonstration of pronunciation shifts from Middle English to Modern English)

http://www.bartleby.com/185/
Book: The American Language
Author: H.L. Menken

Pickering, the first to attempt a list of Americanisms, rehearsed their origin under the following headings:
1. We have formed some new words.
2. To some old ones, that are still in use in England, we have affixed new significations.
3. Others, which have been long obsolete in England, are still retained in common use among us.


English is mundane or vulgar; Latin (or Hebrew or Greek) is magic

What you think: Latin (or Hebrew or Greek or Elvish or what have you) is a purer, better, holier, more powerful language than English. Any sort of supernatural/sacred thing is better or more potent in Latin.

What’s true: It’s really not. Ancient Romans used Latin exactly the way we use English today. It’s translations of ancient languages into high-falootin’ English that make these dead languages seem so reverent and powerful; they could just as easily and accurately be translated into colloquial English.

http://agp.wlu.edu/results?city=Pompeii&property=166&
Hic ego puellas multas futui
Phoebus unguentarius optume (:optime) futuit.

(Search results from a project cataloging Latin and Greek graffiti in Pompeii and Herculaneum; the text is, shall we say, not very noble or sacred.)

http://articles.latimes.com/1993-09-25/local/me-38878_1_king-james-bible
When God decides to unleash floods over the Earth, here's how he breaks it to Noah:
“I'm fed up, Noah, with what’s happenin’ round here. These folks ain’t what’s happenin’ anymore, so I’m gonna do what I gotta do, and end things once and for all. Man, I’m gonna blow the brothers clear outta the water.” [The translator] said the five Bible books she translated, Genesis through Deuteronomy, are true to the original.


Sexist language in English forces sexist thinking

What you think: words like “fireman” or “postman” determine our mindset as thinking of them as masculine. This idea is called Linguistic Determinism or the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis.

What’s true: Linguistic Determinism is, well, false. Linguistic Relativism is more generally accepted. What matters more is the cultural concept than the form of the word. Recent studies demonstrated that gender bias persists strongly even with gender-neutral words like “soldier” and “surgeon.” This doesn’t mean there is no benefit at all to trying to use more gender-neutral language, but when sexist culture changes, the linguistic contribution will probably be secondary at best.

http://linguistlist.org/ask-ling/sapir.cfm
The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis is the theory that an individual's thoughts and actions are determined by the language or languages that individual speaks. The strong version of the hypothesis states that all human thoughts and actions are bound by the restraints of language, and is generally less accepted than the weaker version, which says that language only somewhat shapes our thinking and behavior.


Phillips, C., Wagers, M., and Lau, E. (2010). “Grammatical illusions and selective fallibility in real-time language comprehension.” In J. Runner (ed.), Experiments at the Interface, Syntax & Semantics, vol. 37. Emerald Publications.
In an elegant eye-tracking study … Sturt (2003) showed that initial reading times for reflexive pronouns were affected by (mis)matches with the gender stereotype of the noun phrase in the local subject position …” (the nouns in question were gender-neutral “surgeon” and “soldier”)


Ghosts always speak English 

What you think: EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon) is often used to support the existence of ghosts or spirits of some sort. The gist is: if you listen to recordings of white noise, you may begin to hear voices speaking even if there was nobody in the room. The voices invariably speak either in English (or the listener’s native language) or disorganized syllables.

What’s true: More likely than not, we’re looking at a phenomenon called apophenia or pareidolia: your brain is always looking for patterns, and it will sometimes find them where none exist. Try this: travel to somewhere where you don’t speak the language. If you’re really hearing ghosts of that place, why do you hear EVP in English?

http://www.csicop.org/specialarticles/show/electronic_voice_phenomena_voices_of_the_dead
[Apophenia] involves seeing or hearing patterns where in reality, none exist. …
We may be the best pattern detectors that exist, but not all the patterns we find have any objective meaning. However, once we think we have detected a pattern, it is hard to ignore it, and generally, we take it to be meaningful.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0OeFupXFI8
(The famous example of LittleKuribo’s English subtitles to Japanese lyrics making use of audio pareidolia as a joke)

People who speak “bad English” are uneducated or stupid

What you think: People who say things like “Lemme ax you a question” or “My mom be at home” are stupid or at best uneducated.

What’s true: They literally just speak a different dialect of English. English dialects with grammar that differs from the “standard” variety of the language are actually just as systematic, and occasionally even effect back-formations of Middle or Old English. Attitudes that hold speakers of nonstandard varieties of English to be stupid or uneducated are misguided at best.

http://www.hawaii.edu/satocenter/langne ... /aave.html 
Unfortunately, many public policy makers and sections of the public hold on to mistaken and prejudiced understandings of what AAVE is and what it says about the people who speak it. … Such ambivalent and multivalent attitudes towards nonstandard varieties of a language have been documented for a great many communities around the world and in the United States. (The summary proceeds to outline a general grammar of AAVE.)


http://www.biblestudytools.com/tyn/john/9.html
“Then agayne the pharises also axed him how he had receaved his sight” Tyndale’s translation of the Bible, 1500s.


English is decaying

What you think: English is in trouble! The reading level of Congressional and Presidential addresses is dropping because of the gradual loss of proper English; English is dumber today than in the past. We who know proper English must safeguard it against all these things like the 300 Spartan Warriors. In short, the Grammar Nazi Credo.

What’s true: Language always changes in such a way that the end effect is that we can still say basically all the same things. Because of the “standard” English taught in school systems and held as a requirement for participation in much of society, we have a love affair with the way it used to be spoken, but that way really wasn’t any better than the way we speak today. What are we English majors really supposed to safeguard against? The sad fact is, it’s used to keep out “undesirables.” “Proper” or “correct” English is all but a requirement if you want a job, any kind of position of authority. It’s ultimately not a safeguard against stupidity or lack of education, but against “undesirables”—unless they are divested of their nonstandard identities.

http://www.linguisticsociety.org/content/english-changing
Is English changing? Yes, and so is every other human language! … Language changes for several reasons. First, it changes because the needs of its speakers change. New technologies, new products, and new experiences require new words to refer to them clearly and efficiently. … Another reason for change is that no two people have had exactly the same language experience. … People tend to think that older forms of languages are more elegant, logical, or ‘correct’ than modern forms, but it's just not true. The fact that language is always changing doesn't mean it's getting worse; it's just becoming different.


http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10972-007-9040-0#/page-1
Teachers experience the gatekeeping nature of language and discourse for learning science and acquiring professional certification in science through writing. … African American and Hispanic teachers enter into the NBPTS candidacy pool in numbers proportional to their representation in the U.S. teaching force (17%), yet they earn certification at much lower rates (11%), with only 4% Black and 3% Hispanic making up the entire pool of NBPTS certified teachers.


http://www2.nau.edu/~jar/BOISE.html
Now, by educating the children of these tribes in the English language these differences would have disappeared, and civilization would have followed at once. … Schools should be established, which children should be required to attend; their barbarous dialect should be blotted out and the English language substituted. (US policy regarding Native American languages)